Your Guide

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Nancy Shanteau

Nancy Shanteau (she/her) is the lineage bearer for Skills for Change Coaching. She is a Master Somatic Coach and the founder of the Folkloom School, the home of the Skills for Change Coaching Certification Program. A settler who lives and works in Nevada County, CA, unceded Nisenan land, Nancy practices Relationship Anarchy and Solo Polyamory, identifies as pansexual and aromantic, and is a white multi-ethnic, non-binary woman. Dedicated to radical, empowering education, Nancy has been teaching and coaching since 2004. “I believe people need safety and a feeling of connection and love in order to change. In a good teaching relationship, the teacher becomes engaged in your dream, and provides support, strength and vision to help you achieve it.”

Questions? Comments? Email me!

About this course

I want to live in a world where our relations with people operate within a context of liberation, instead of domination. I want us to engage in mutual and consensual contact from our “yes body” and from desire. We are used to working externally to create a more just and more equal society, and I also want our relations with others on a personal scale to reflect our greater commitment to coexistence, freedom, and justice. I believe we need to learn new skills to uphold and enact this principled style of human relating. Otherwise, we end up unconsciously replicating the habits and beliefs we received from cultural indoctrination, via the  government, the media, schools, and our peers. We either repeat the past or create a new future, one transaction at a time, as we move through our daily lives.

I’m saddened when I hear from people who feel trapped in an interpersonal relational model that feels inadequate, stagnant and stuck. When we try to change the underlying approach to the way we relate, we often find ourselves encountering our own fears and limitations. The experience of the unknown may throw us into regressive behaviors and beliefs. We need new skills to enact relations that reflect our values, and we need the support of a community working toward the same goals. Relationship Anarchy offers us a new way to relate that brings egalitarian principles and practices into our communities, family, friendships, and the ways we express our needs for love, intimacy and sexuality.

I want all of us to experience the satisfaction and joy of co-creating relations with our loved ones that allow us to deeply embody a lifestyle we long to experience. When we achieve this, we are able to ask for 100% of what we want, 100% of the time, and negotiate agreements that allow us to express ourselves authentically, radically, and fully. We communicate cooperatively, with respect and care, listen for understanding, and share to feel heard and “met.”

I’ve created a course to bring the ideals of Relationship Anarchy together with the tools and practices of Skills for Change Coaching, an approach to cooperative relating that offers both an analysis of how power affects our transactions and also a theory of change that helps us embody new skills. We begin to restore human relations to their non-hierarchical roots, where instead of dominating others, we learn to express our own autonomy and support the freedom of others.

We’ll learn the concepts of Relationship Anarchy as identified by Andie Nordgren in her "Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy," and further discover how this relational approach can help us relate to others without controlling them. We’ll explore Skills for Change to make this relational approach practical and accessible. By identifying the ways we’ve been taught to relate and the challenges we face in mono-, hetero- and amatonormative relating styles, we'll discuss how Relationship Anarchy principles and Skills for Change tools can help us get the most of what we want, conversation by conversation and transaction by transaction. 

  • We will consider the "Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy," and its meaning for interpersonal and romantic relations in the 21st Century. This discussion will include ways to decolonize our worldview around the “right vs. wrong” binary belief structures of white supremacy, and to aim for autonomous, egalitarian relations with our friends, family, and beloveds.
  • As we apply the principles of Relationship Anarchy to our everyday lives, we will learn Skills for Change tools and a theory of change that we can engage in transactions and embodiment practices. These skills include the following:

    • We will recognize when we enter the rescue dynamic. By pausing, connecting with ourselves and what we want, and sharing our dignified boundaries, & our met as well as unmet needs, we will learn to identify 100% of what we want. This is the first step towards cooperation.
    • Then, we conduct an internal negotiation process, where we understand and offer ourselves compassion for our unmet and sometimes contradictory needs. Instead of reaching for clarity outside of ourselves, our deep compassion for our circumstances will help us accept the unacceptable and face the greater and more complicated truth about our lives and the limitations of our humanness.
    • We will explore ways to deepen our experience of our embodied wise adult consciousness so we can discern the differences between our opportunities for personal change, and the dignified boundaries and standards for relating that are grounded in our values. We will have the opportunity to write a Relational Values document that will help us communicate with others.
    • Instead of relying on assumptions and norms that over-generalize and under-represent us and our loved ones’ wants and needs, we will learn to ask for 100% of what we want and negotiate agreements that work for all of us.
    • We will learn skillful ways to share how something made us feel, and listen to what’s true, what’s not true and what’s also true from the other person’s point of view. We will increase our personal power so that we are able to understand how multiple truths can co-exist. Non-dualism allows us to experience a more spacious worldview: “right for me, right for you, wrong for me, wrong for you, depending on the context.”

The online classroom will offer readings, videos, audio and writing prompts. As a teacher, I am committed to providing my students with the resources they need. I often create course materials to respond to specific questions, and welcome your active engagement, as this creates an enriched experience for everyone. The price for this course is $299. Payment plans are available upon request.

Alternatively, the cheapest way to access this course is to become a patron at the $25/Thing (cap your pledge!) reward level. You will receive unlimited online courses including Cooperative Communication; Energy Awareness, Quiet Mind; Understanding Jealousy, Managing Anxiety, and more. You will also receive all my Patreon posts via email. I tend to post at least two meaningful articles, videos, audio or other learning resources per month, in addition to course materials.

If you would like to arrange a conversation to discuss this workshop and whether it is right for you, email me at or call 530-273-5170. Or click here to enroll. I hope you join us in as we explore Relationship Anarchy and Skills for Change.